this blog has been a long time coming.....let me tell ya
however, I didn't want to write this blog based on the commercials, so I forced myself to watch every episode of the season up until this point. why, you ask? better question? are you hooked? yes, dammit. i am. its similar to watching a train wreck or rubber-necking on the highway. I cant make my eyes look away!!!! it's horrible in every sense of the word.
but what truly disturbed me was what one of the mothers said on the most recent episode. In summary she said "the popular people in school were not ugly, which is why Olivia's beauty is so important to me". Well, hate to break it to you "Mom", but Olivia is a little shit. Your kid is SWINGING AT YOU!! Lets focus on the INSIDE, rather then her outward appearance. "Mom", then states "I dont really mind Olivia hitting me, it's still cutesy, and it's her way of showing dominance." Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? From my experience, the real assholes in high school were NOT very popular either. I dont care if you spray tan your kid, I dont care if you put them through hours and hours of hair and makeup (because trust me, i can see clearly that you are PAYING for it), and if they love it? then FUCK IT!!! do what they LOVE!!! my kids love playing dress up and putting on mommy's makeup!! I dont mind!
Story time!!! "the good, the bad, the ugly" has a friend. friend is a nutjob. friend puts 5 month old in a pageant. baby is not that cute. WTF PEOPLE. I refuse to talk to friend. I knew she was weird, but come on??? When you put an ugly kid in a pageant, you are setting up ugly kid for failure. I know what youre thinking, blahblahblah all babies are beautiful, gifts from God, blahblah. WRONG. All babies are not cute and beautiful. In fact most babies are wrinkly, red, screaming baby aliens when they arrive in this world. Their heads are all mis-shapen, they have scratches and bruises from hitting your pelvic girdle and rib cage for 9 months. Mom and Dad love them. Cool. Duh. But this is why "the good, the bad, the ugly" decided to coin a safe word (similar to the safe word in s and m). When your friends and loved ones reproduce, and baby is far from pretty, baby is not "cute" or "beautiful".......baby becomes "sweet", maybe baby will become cute and beautiful as he/she grows a little. who cares?
The same goes for the toddler and tiaras kids. Except they can't fall back on sweet. Most of them are NOT even a LITTLE sweet. And a lot of them are just normal looking kids before the flippers, spray tan, hair, makeup and frilly dresses. The difference is they dont have manners, they dont respect their parents, their parents DONT demand respect and some are just downright RUDE. So, when you take away Olivia's beauty, her spray tan, hair, makeup and flipper.....WHAT is left over?? A disrespectful little girl.
Why is this.......
and this....
better then this???
Ill take baby number three, any day. shes BEAUTIFUL without the madonna bra, or the OVERLY feathered dress. she looks like she could be a little bit of trouble....but she also looks like she is having ONE HELL OF A TIME!!! :)
my children have been feeling very yucky since friday night.
fortunately for them, i have a very large store of compassion which should last them their entire lives if they dont use it up on stupid shit. they've both had colds and fevers since friday and unfortunately this means our weekend was far from fun. we had big plans. lots of fun. and those plans got cancelled.
so instead, we watched the windup for shark week (its this week), and ate mass amounts of junk food. during these lazy times, this conversation happened, i posted an short version on facebook. Bear: Mama, those sharks is biting people. Bug: Dont worry Bear!!! Mama wont let those sharks get you!! Mama will STAB those sharks in the HEAD (at this time, im gaping at the conversation, im having trouble following because im laughing so hard, as they are both very animated and the thought of actually stabbing a shark in my lifetime is a little scary but very realistic, as im always getting into fucked up situations. now back to the conversation) Bear: Mama, if those sharks try to bite me, you will stab them!! and then you can cook them because they look TASTY!!! Bug: YES!! We will eat that shark cause our mommy will stab it and cook it!! finally.... Me: Yes Bear and Bug, I would gladly save you from the hypothetical shark, I would stab the hypothetical shark in the head and then cook the hypothetical shark for our dinner, simply because you think it looks tasty. Oh, and by the way, YOU ARE WELCOME. for the said stabbing and cooking of hypothetical sharks.
(Mind you, I doubt my shark stabbing abilities after watching four hours of shark week)
BEAR AND BUG: CHEERS, HIGH FIVES, DANCING AND JUMPING ON THE COUCH while screaming "MY MAMA IS GREAT!!!"
Damn, sometimes being a mom is hard........and other times, its really easy. :)
