chicken adventures

Being a mother was not my plan. Being  a housewife was not my plan. Being "domestic" was not my idea of fun. Ive made some interesting discoveries about myself, I enjoy all of these things.

I had planned on eating chinese take out and delivery pizzas for the bulk of my lifetime. 

In this domestic journey, Ive learned to cook things. It's cheap. It's easy. 

Just a few of the things I've made. Tuna helper. Hamburger helper. Spaghetti. 

Do you see a trend?

All of these dinner ideas are very easy, require very little effort, and are pretty fast.

The crock pot opened my world up to chili. Also easy. Put the shit in the crock pot. Turn it on. Let it cook all day. Dinner. Game over. I win. 

Then came the chicken. 

This chicken caused me nothing but grief. I shouldve known when the thousand year old lady in the grocery store fought me for it. I assumed she would want the larger chicken, I was wrong. She wanted the small chicken. She told me to repeat to myself "I will not fight old ladies for a roasting chicken". 


Moving on. Who knew it took two days for a damn chicken to dethaw??? WTF!!! Over it.


What the fuck does a "gizzard" look like?? I guilt tripped my mother into pulling this little gem out of the chicken's ass. I didnt even know which end WAS the ass. Be serious. Explaining to your mother how she DID NOT prepare you for life is the best way to get her to baby-sit, perform chores in your home, AND pull "gizzards" out of a chicken's ass. Classic.
 
After enlisting the help of my FACEBOOK FAMILY, I picked up a MILLION tips for cooking a chicken. I USED THEM ALL. You say shove a lemon in the chicken's ass. I did it. Buy a chicken injector?? GOT IT!! 


I shot my chicken up like a heroin addict. Butter, chicken broth, packets of chicken spices bought in the spice aisle, a lemon in his ass along with chopped onions.


F. U. food network. 


I then placed my lucky bird in the crock pot. I let it cook for 8 hours. 


Then I ate that mofo.


It. Was. Fantastic. The best chicken on this earth. The best in the world. 


I hope my family enjoyed it.


I'm never roasting a chicken again.